When I first made this moodboard I was looking at it thinking, “Damn this is chaotic.” But coming back to it the next day I am really enjoying the colors, and this orangey-purple cast a lot of the photos have. The wood tones, the greens from grasses and trees, and then the multitude of colors from flowers, outfits, and art supplies. I love it. It feels like September, and a transition from Summer to Fall, which I am looking forward to.
I was thinking what to muse about, what to write about, and was drawing a blank. What’s been going on in my life lately? What have my last 2 months looked like? Busy busy busy.
Walt and I traveled a lot in August. We had a wedding in Petaluma, I went to see my mom in Georgia, we celebrated his parent’s 50th wedding anniversary in Virginia, I went to Lake Tahoe for a bachelorette, and then he flew back to the East Coast on Labor Day weekend for his annual friends camping trip in the Outer Banks. Oooof! Lots of flights for both of us.
I was glad to have the last few weekends to spend time in Ventura and get back into my various activities and routines.
Thinking about what to talk about, I wanted to share a quick snapshot of the health journey I’ve been on, really for about the last 2 years. It’s something that has hung in the background but has made a big difference/impact on my life. When I was first grieving the loss of my dad this allusion to an ever present, but invisible, dark cloud was something that resonated with me, and came up a lot. My health has been another dark cloud during this time. It’s really important to remember that anyone may have this invisible dark cloud, whatever they're going through, and that’s why a general kindness towards others is so needed.
About 2 years ago I started to gain weight unexpectedly. I had made the decision to go off birth control, which I had been on for 15 years. I was scared how my body was going to react, but knew it was the right choice for me. With the weight gain I was confused - I live a very active lifestyle and I eat pretty healthy - it just didn’t make sense. What was my body doing?
Back in high school, my thyroid levels were off. It didn’t seem to make a big difference in my overall health at the time, but because of that, I’ve always tested it pretty regularly. This was something that came to my mind when I noticed the weight gain. I tried talking to my doctor about my weight and my body image and the shame that came with it. She ran some blood tests, sent me to a GI doctor, and sent me to an endocrinologist. I had an endoscopy done and had an ultrasound on my thyroid.
What came from these doctors visits was a fat hospital bill that I wasn’t forewarned about and a diagnosis of Hashimoto’s. The endocrinologist told me my thyroid looked like a honeycomb. I knew a few friends with Hashimoto’s so I was familiar with the name.
From there, they put me on different medications that were band-aid fixes for some of the minute problems I was having. I called this out and was met with indifference. Their form of medicine was to treat present problems, mostly with medications/pills. There was no talk of how to regulate my body, no help in providing potential other resources for me to look to.
Of course, I spent so much of this time upset, having a lot of anxiety, hating myself, and not knowing why my body was showing up this way. I saw so much online about what could be wrong and felt even more lost (good lesson in not trusting everything on the internet). Thankfully, about 2 months ago, with the help of one of my mom’s friends, I started seeing a Natural Health/Functional Medicine practitioner in North Carolina. We’re still at the beginning of working together but in just 2 months I’ve seen, and felt, changes that make me almost feel like myself again.
Just the other day in my yoga sculpt class I was able to complete the cardio portion in full - which I hadn’t been able to do (and I take yoga sculpt once a week)! I also have been able to use my brain for almost the full day, versus waking up early to go to a coffee shop at 7am, knowing that I could get a solid 3-4 hours of work in before I started to shut down.
As someone who has been ambitious in both my work and exercise my whole life, these seem like small feats but with my current health, they are truly big wins.
Here’s to always moving forward, and not accepting the things that don’t feel right. Sending everyone with invisible dark clouds lots of love, don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will not be used to make any profit on.
