a snapshot of my health journey

When I first made this moodboard I was looking at it thinking, “Damn this is chaotic.” But coming back to it the next day I am really enjoying the colors, and this orangey-purple cast a lot of the photos have. The wood tones, the greens from grasses and trees, and then the multitude of colors from flowers, outfits, and art supplies. I love it. It feels like September, and a transition from Summer to Fall, which I am looking forward to.

I was thinking what to muse about, what to write about, and was drawing a blank. What’s been going on in my life lately? What have my last 2 months looked like? Busy busy busy. 

Walt and I traveled a lot in August. We had a wedding in Petaluma, I went to see my mom in Georgia, we celebrated his parent’s 50th wedding anniversary in Virginia, I went to Lake Tahoe for a bachelorette, and then he flew back to the East Coast on Labor Day weekend for his annual friends camping trip in the Outer Banks. Oooof! Lots of flights for both of us. 

I was glad to have the last few weekends to spend time in Ventura and get back into my various activities and routines.

Thinking about what to talk about, I wanted to share a quick snapshot of the health journey I’ve been on, really for about the last 2 years. It’s something that has hung in the background but has made a big difference/impact on my life. When I was first grieving the loss of my dad this allusion to an ever present, but invisible, dark cloud was something that resonated with me, and came up a lot. My health has been another dark cloud during this time. It’s really important to remember that anyone may have this invisible dark cloud, whatever they're going through, and that’s why a general kindness towards others is so needed.

About 2 years ago I started to gain weight unexpectedly. I had made the decision to go off birth control, which I had been on for 15 years. I was scared how my body was going to react, but knew it was the right choice for me. With the weight gain I was confused - I live a very active lifestyle and I eat pretty healthy - it just didn’t make sense. What was my body doing?

Back in high school, my thyroid levels were off. It didn’t seem to make a big difference in my overall health at the time, but because of that, I’ve always tested it pretty regularly. This was something that came to my mind when I noticed the weight gain. I tried talking to my doctor about my weight and my body image and the shame that came with it. She ran some blood tests, sent me to a GI doctor, and sent me to an endocrinologist. I had an endoscopy done and had an ultrasound on my thyroid.

What came from these doctors visits was a fat hospital bill that I wasn’t forewarned about and a diagnosis of Hashimoto’s. The endocrinologist told me my thyroid looked like a honeycomb. I knew a few friends with Hashimoto’s so I was familiar with the name. 

From there, they put me on different medications that were band-aid fixes for some of the minute problems I was having. I called this out and was met with indifference. Their form of medicine was to treat present problems, mostly with medications/pills. There was no talk of how to regulate my body, no help in providing potential other resources for me to look to.

Of course, I spent so much of this time upset, having a lot of anxiety, hating myself, and not knowing why my body was showing up this way. I saw so much online about what could be wrong and felt even more lost (good lesson in not trusting everything on the internet). Thankfully, about 2 months ago, with the help of one of my mom’s friends, I started seeing a Natural Health/Functional Medicine practitioner in North Carolina. We’re still at the beginning of working together but in just 2 months I’ve seen, and felt, changes that make me almost feel like myself again.

Just the other day in my yoga sculpt class I was able to complete the cardio portion in full - which I hadn’t been able to do (and I take yoga sculpt once a week)! I also have been able to use my brain for almost the full day, versus waking up early to go to a coffee shop at 7am, knowing that I could get a solid 3-4 hours of work in before I started to shut down.

As someone who has been ambitious in both my work and exercise my whole life, these seem like small feats but with my current health, they are truly big wins.

Here’s to always moving forward, and not accepting the things that don’t feel right. Sending everyone with invisible dark clouds lots of love, don’t forget to be kind to yourself.

All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will not be used to make any profit on.

skimming the travel bug surface

It’s hard to blahblahblah in this small post on the internet when there are ‘unprecedented times’ happening all around us. I like to use this space to talk about the small joys, learnings, and obstacles I tackle rather than the big, emotional topics we doom scroll through daily. I hope to create a space that’s lighter, or atleast where you can relate to what I think about. As we keep going, my goal is to expand more on my interests, so this post (and more) I’ll talk about travel and where it all began for me.

I consider myself a traveler by birth - my first plane flight was at 5 days old! My dad had taken a new job in North Carolina, and my mom stayed back in Oregon to have me. When we were able, we flew across the country to begin a new journey. So technically, ‘traveler by birth’ fits but it really goes back before me with my grandparents on my mom’s side traveling to different places around the world. See? It’s in my blood (and most definitely a privilege).

When I was younger, my mom would travel with my grandma to various places - Morocco, China, Italy, Greece, Turkey, etc. - on land and by boat. We were recently talking about a time when she was off exploring and was woken up at 2 in the morning to a call from the captain from my dad. My brother Matthew broke his ankle and I had missed the first day of school because I was sick. It was comical to my mom because she was thinking, “Well what can I do?” as she’s on a boat in the middle of the Mediterranean. 

I wouldn’t consider myself someone who travels with tour groups, but my grandma always loved and utilized this particular tour company, TAUCK. We traveled with them to Tanzania when I was in 6th grade, and Alaska when I was in 11th grade. Even now after my grandma has passed away, my mom has solo-traveled with them on river cruises in Europe, and both of us for our most recent trip to Iceland.

Now you may think you have a vision of a tour group, but I encourage you to have an open mind. I’m sure they’re not wildly different, but my perception of tour companies doesn’t match what I have experienced with this group. On these trips, I have been exposed to activities and ways of life you might not traditionally see if you were exploring by yourself. Also, as someone who is older, my mom enjoys that TAUCK takes care of you as a traveler from when you get off the plane at your destination to when you’re dropped off at the airport on your way home.

One of the best things about travel for me is finding new things to keep me inspired. I love to see new places and learn about how different parts of the world live, what they eat, and how they view the world. My Tanzania trip with TAUCK in 6th grade was the inspiration for choosing to study abroad in South Africa in college. When we went to Japan this past March I was inspired by many aspects of the design in Japan, as well as the small, detailed touches all over the neighborhoods in Tokyo.

My hope is to dive deeper with you about my travels and what inspires me from each place. For now, enjoy my moodboard that I am going to use to fuel me through July and August ;).

All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will not be used to make any profit on.

psychology of memory in summer

It’s June! It’s nearly summer! As much as I don’t do the greatest in heat (without air conditioning I must add), I absolutely love summer. I love strawberries, peaches, cherries, and all the fruit that is plentiful in the summer months. I love beach days and feeling warm. I love cool California camping nights by the fire, making s’mores. I love the opportunity to stay outside later since it’s still light. I love that my birthday is in the summer (basically) and it feels like it’s the best time to enjoy ice cream and popsicles. Growing up, it was time by the pool and even more time doing arts and crafts. That’s what sticks to me in my memories.

I am currently taking a Brain Psychology and UI Elements Masterclass, looking at the, you guessed it, brain and how it influences how we design. I’ve been learning a lot about mental loads and memory - it is fascinating! If it sounds like something you’re interested in, I would recommend the two books we’re reading for the class - “Don’t Make Me Think, Revisited” and “100 Things Every Designer Should Know About People.” They are quick reads, and super digestible.

The concepts that have resonated with me most from the book, “100 Things Every Designer Should Know About People,” come from the studies that have been conducted surrounding what we actually remember as humans. The book discusses how it’s important that we don’t remember everything - because can you imagine if we did? Within our daily lives we have so many experiences that would be nearly impossible to remember. The book also talks about ‘flashbulb memories’ which are defined as vivid/detailed traumatic or dramatic events and how inaccurate these memories can be over time. 

I think of my ‘flashbulb memories’ around the time when my dad was sick and wonder what I am remembering correctly, or incorrectly? What do we make of the feelings we had at that time and how they have felt over time? Is there any information about how active healing over the time passed affects these memories?

Do you ever talk with a friend about a shared memory and find that you both remember it differently? The book touches on how every time we remember something, we’re actually re-constructing it. The science behind it is related to the pathways in our brain between neurons! Like I said, fascinating! So, if it ever turns into an argument about who remembers what correctly, there’s some science to ensure you may both be right! ;)

What do you remember about summers as a kid? Your summers during stressful periods of your life? Your summers during the happiest times? Your summer in 2020? Did you have a journal at the time that you can look back and understand your memory of events or how you felt?

It makes me want to record more - but then I also think - how much should we document, what needs to be documented? Does that defeat just ‘living life’? I could really go down a rabbit hole of questions here…

I love how these moodboards and musings I create each month force me to think about what’s relevant to me now - and how it relates to my past, present, and future - this month being summers and memories of summer. Clearly, I often have more questions than answers, but I love the forever pondering of humans and the lives we live.

All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will not be used to make any profit on.

creating and climbing hills

My musings posts thus far have been solely focused on my monthly moodboards, and accompanying those with thoughts that are topical for me - what’s coming up now, what’s coming up as I create a vision for what I want for the month ahead.

I created May’s in the middle of experiencing May. Do you ever add something to your to-do list that you’ve already done just so you can feel good when you cross it off? This month, my moodboard was mostly a pat on the back for myself for what I have done - appreciated the spring flowers, got back into the pool, kept up my yoga practice, spent time with friends, ate yummy (& nutritious food). It felt good to look back at the middle-ish of the month and see the goodness in what May has been so far.

Over the month of April, a friend and I took an ‘Intro to Sewing’ class with Tigerowl. We both loved the brain break from our daily routines and creative jobs and the opportunity to create something new with our hands. Also, Summer at Tigerowl is an expert and is a wonderful, and patient, teacher!

In my earlier moodboards I included imagery of painting, creating with materials versus digitally. This has shown up in sewing as well as a fun painting project Walt and I have taken on for colorful, fun bucket gardens in our backyard. I’ve always loved creating with my hands but haven’t made the time for it lately as life and work is always so busy. I’ve enjoyed both projects, as they remind me of my childhood and my parents, where I’ve witnessed my creative talents come from. 

Last night, my friend and I joined in on one of Tigerowl’s open studio sessions, keeping our new sewing knowledge fresh. In the open studio sessions, you bring anything you’d like to work on, sewing related, and Summer will help you with any questions you have - and you get to use her machines! I do have a sewing machine at home, but her studio creates great energy and has all the space to lay out your fabric so it’s much easier to get into the groove of a project.

Taking the intro class and this open studio session has been such a joy - creating, relaxing, and getting to spend time with a good friend. Now, this friend is super special - she’s a great listener and incredibly genuine in response and empathy. After I caught her up on all things health and work, she commented that I’ve been in this waiting period for so long. I had been feeling this way for a while and while I’d talked about it with others, I truly felt like she saw the hill I’ve been climbing. 

Without going too much into detail, I’ve been putting in work in regards to discovering what’s going on with my health and putting in work to find a new creative role that better aligns with my values and goals. I’ve been dismissed on too many occasions and I’m tired. As a problem solver, I can’t seem to solve these problems - and it’s incredibly frustrating. *See somewhere in previous posts where I probably also talk about how I am impatient ;)

I know my challenges look different, and you better believe I am extremely grateful for what I have and where I’ve been. However, that shouldn’t have any impact on what I want for myself and how I want to feel. I know that I am not alone, but I feel lonely.

Creating this moodboard for May and stepping outside of my feelings to appreciate where I’ve been and what I’ve seen this month so far was hard. For now, I will still try to remind myself that it is about the journey. There are beautiful moments and opportunities out there - and as I am pulling in this month - what is meant for you will always find you (you might just have to cry a little and learn how to be patient).

*Special thanks goes to my mom and Walt who listen to me cry!

All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will not be used to make any profit on.

creativity, confidence, and power

One of the things I have loved about creating these mood boards each month is it has reaffirmed the values that I hold close - and the things that I need on a daily/monthly basis to feel most at peace and that I am still moving forward. 

If you’ve been following along, or atleast have scrolled through to see each month, you’ll notice a few recurring images. I have quotes that resonate with me, images that focus on work or creating with my hands, images with friends or my partner, walk shadow selfies, and in-studio yoga photos. There are also a few food images thrown in here and there and travel or seasonal activities.

As I write this today, April 16 - it is a memorial day for me, the day my dad passed away 6 years ago. On days like today, I reflect on what has helped me make it this far and there’s one thing in particular that stands out - yoga. 

I’ve been practicing yoga since I moved to Irvine - maybe even before - but my memories start at Corepower off Jamboree. I could easily walk across the street from my apartment at the time for a break and a good workout. Then, I really saw it as a great way to stay in shape and feel strong. Since then, it has changed into something that has held me through tough days and lifted me higher on great days.

As we all do, I sometimes slip, but I aim to make it to a yoga class 4-6 times a week. I am privileged to have freedom and boundaries within my work schedule to make it to classes at various times throughout the day.

As a person in a creative role and career, it allows my brain a break to stop and think, recharge, and find new solutions to the problems I am solving.

As a person who is very sensitive, it allows me the space to pause, reflect, and take deep breaths.

As a person who is in various stages of grief, it allows me a space to connect back with myself and feel like I have that space to honor my dad, my grandma, even those who are still here with me.

As a person who wants to feel strong, it empowers my physical and mental self to keep building my power.

Since my beginnings at Corepower, what yoga means to me has evolved, and as you can see through my moodboards, it is something I consider to be a mainstay in my life. I see and feel how my yoga practice has changed me throughout the years, and helped in my grieving process and with daily anxiety.

I love setting the intention at the beginning of each practice, often I find words to repeat to myself or focus on visualizations. The past few weeks I have been repeating ‘Creativity, Confidence, and Power’ as my intention - words I needed to remind myself to embody and project. Today, in my gentle flow class, I visualized my dad in class next to me - recalling his love for boot camp style classes and envisioning how he might look over and wink at me in savasana.  

I am so thankful to have an incredible studio here in Ventura, Grassroots Yoga, who offer various types of classes that fit in with what I need on an ever-changing basis. Some days are power flow days, while others I really just need a gentle flow class.

I could probably talk about yoga for much too long, but it is something I will always encourage everyone to look for and try. If holding space for intentions or visualizations doesn’t resonate with you, look at it as a way to keep your body flexible and strong. I think you’ll be surprised at the effects that follow.

All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will not be used to make any profit on.

it really is about the journey

The obligatory “How are we one third through March 2024 already?”. But truly, where has the time gone? As you can see I am a little behind on my vision board for March - but creating it made me really think about the things I want to strive for, the things I want in my life, that might be different from February, different from January.

My general outlook on what I want in life hasn’t changed much, and it’s not just this year. I’ve known what I’ve wanted for a long time, and I work every day towards those larger goals and dreams. I’ve often been reminded how I am a ‘woman who knows what she wants’ and I take that as a badge of honor, a badge that can, at times, hold a lot of weight.

To some, it may seem like a relief to know what you want in a world where we are presented with countless opportunities, in all spaces of life. For me, while it has been a great guiding light, it comes with impatience and frustration at times when I grapple with knowing what I want but not always how to get there or why I don’t have it yet. My mom is great at reminding me that I have no patience - but I am getting better!

One thing I’ve really learned in the last few years, thanks to personal growth and my personal relationships, is that knowing what you want is only half (or even less?) of the way we move through life. I come back to that cheesy line about life being about the journey, not the destination, and I believe it. If I had gotten everything I wanted when I knew I wanted it, who would I be? Certainly not who I am today, and I love her.

To anyone else who knows what they want but hasn't gotten there yet, try to remember that part of being alive is living, discovering, exploring, falling down and getting back up - and those are beautiful things. Take your time, go for what you want, and eventually you’ll get there, but make sure you’re having fun along the way. Driving too fast and hard towards your destination may make you keep your head down for too long and you might miss all the flowers and the sunshine out the window.

For March, I am going to let my mind rest (and hopefully rejuvenate) while I take a vacation. Hoping to hit April with a sense of renewal, freshness, and joy in my journey while keeping one eye on my destination - ha!

All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will not be used to make any profit on.

gathering the good

It’s time for my February vision board! I am proud of myself for getting to the second one of these for the year - sometimes, as we all know, we start with an idea and well, it just trails off and we don’t always follow through. I think that’s okay, maybe it wasn’t the right time for that idea - life's too short to beat yourself up about it. But hey, this is a small win for me and I am going to celebrate it - February here we (continue to) come!

Looking back on January, I had high expectations for myself. The time from Thanksgiving to Christmas felt like a mountain, with challenges and wins I didn’t expect. I pushed myself hard in a number of areas for my personal work and stressed immensely about my full time job shifting and changing.

My first day off for a Christmas vacation - sick. I was lucky enough to feel mildly okay after the first 3 days and had time to spend with my family. I thought surely by New Years I’d feel 100% - I was ready to hit the ground running and go back to pushing myself towards my big goals again. Guess what? Sick. For 4+ weeks I had a cough that moved/bruised a rib and I am still recovering.

Movement is one of the things that keeps me going everyday and proved to be the hardest hit to my mental health during that time.

My expectations of myself had to fall away and I was forced to rest. It was difficult, and it still is a challenge for me to accept I’m not exactly where I thought I would be in 2024.

However, as I look at my January vision board, reflecting on what I could accomplish, I see my wins. I meditated for 140 minutes while working on incorporating it into a daily routine. I continued my yoga practice, kept up my daily walks during the work week, and made it into the gym on numerous occasions.

I finished 4 books!* My goal each year is to read (or complete) 15 books, and I am well on my way! I’ve established an almost daily reading schedule of a design or educational book in the morning before work and a fiction, easy-read at night before bed.

Walt and I went camping with a few friends - spent time out in nature and found awesome tidepools. We cooked delicious soups and spent time together learning new games like Lost Cities and Backgammon.

It’s so easy to feel down about the things you haven’t accomplished - and I know that’s one of the ways I am hardest on myself. Time to stop and take a look at the good that you’ve got going on in your life - even when you’re comparing yourself to friends or random people on the internet. We’re not all made for everything, so gather up your good and all the things you love and carry it with you. It’s something I am working on, too. 

Looking forward to February, I hope to continue all of these things plus adding in creating with my hands, standing up for myself at work, connecting with other design professionals, being confident in my skills, loving myself more, and keeping my head up for all the good things that are coming. I look forward to learning more about myself and appreciating my people that hold me up every day.

*The books were “All the Light We Cannot See,” “Lessons in Chemistry,” “Creative Quest,” and “101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think.” I recommend the first 3! I am currently reading “Start with Why” and about to start “The Only One Left.”

All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will also not be used to make any profit on.

February 2024 vision board

manifestation + vision

I have been creating my own vision boards and mood boards for a few years now - mostly as a way to visually show my goals for the year versus writing them out. As you can gain from my career choice, I am very much a visual learner!

For my (my goal is daily) walks, I choose different podcasts to listen to - mostly career, personal growth, or design related. I’m sure most people do this - so maybe an audiobook or a fun playlist for you. This past week, as I am trying to manifest big things in 2024, I searched ‘manifestation’ for my walk and stumbled upon Mel Robbins “How to Manifest Anything You Want: 4 Simple Steps Backed by Neuroscience & Olympic Athletes.”

In one of the 4 steps she comments on how people have been doing vision boards wrong. If you’re pasting on your end goal, say a big beach house, you’ll have a harder time reaching that big goal without showing the steps it will take you to get there. It’s very similar to goal-setting, and in my career space, creating and shipping in phases! If you don’t outline the smaller goals to get to the bigger goal, that end goal can be much more intimidating and can seem like it’ll take years to achieve. I’ve heard this many times, but this time it resonated differently. I thought it would be fun, and maybe more efficient, to break my vision boards down by month - into smaller steps - to create a larger image of what I want for 2024.

First, I wrote down what I wanted for the year, and then what that might look like for the month of January. I made sure everything seemed realistic and attainable, even if some ideas felt a little out of my comfort zone. Don’t they say, “life doesn’t happen in your comfort zone?” or something like that.

So, here’s my January vision board!
All images were snagged from Pinterest, therefore I do not take credit for any original thought surrounding them individually. They will also not be used to make any profit on.

more and less in 2024

I love seeing people post their ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ for the year ahead. Some are much more holistic, where others are dramatic and hilarious, I enjoy both. Jumping off the idea of New Year's Resolutions, it seems like a quick way to outline what you do and do not want in your life for the upcoming year - which is important!

I started creating my own lists, with no real intention to share, and thought it could be fun to do a work edition and a personal edition and share it here. I saw a few posts using ‘more’ and ‘less’ which I prefer. ‘Ins’ and ‘outs’ are black and white to me, and with the reality of things being in many shades of gray, the words ‘more’ and ‘less’ resonated more. It also feels like an easier transition to adding and removing these things and ideas from our lives. Like, I wish my poor posture would be gone starting tomorrow, but that may not be such an easy feat! Now, these lists are not all-encompassing but serve as larger focus points.

Let’s start with my work edition. I know you may look at these and wish me good freaking luck, but hey this is a start and I believe in moving forward, not letting things be because “that’s how they’ve always been.” Work - freelance and full-time - and I are in a tough spot right now, as I navigate through challenges and feel tested in different interactions. I love change, I love mixing things up, and in pushing for those things at work, I aim to see work become a place I can thrive and want to be - not just for me, but where everyone is cool to contribute and grow. There will always be a back and forth in a corporate environment, but I still aim for change and evolution. I am starting with my ‘more’ and ‘less’ and hoping that can help me identify more clearly where the things I want less show up and how I can change them.

More

True team environment

Leveling up communication skills

Holding boundaries

Holding companies to sustainability initiatives

Learning and adapting to others with different work styles

Taking ownership of your work - and not letting others steal your shine!

Giving team members a chance, believing in/uplifting new candidates

Pay equity!

Continuous learning of new skills

Humane/kind email and chat conversations - think of your tone, exclamations and ‘hello’ are okay!

Holding people accountable

Self-awareness

Less

Passive aggressive comments

Drawn out meetings

Silo’d leadership - get in touch with your employees!

Disrespectful interview processes

Trying to always be the ‘expert’

Outdated benefits policies

Ghosting meetings without notification

You can probably tell from my ‘more’ and ‘less’ where my pain points are with work. If I can make any change as an individual contributor to make others' lives more enjoyable at work, and create a livable balance with what I’d like to see more of, I’ll be happy!

Now, for my own personal ‘more’ and ‘less’

More

Reading fiction

Meditation and acupuncture

Committing to my daily walk

Chocolate (always more)

Homemade food and pantry items

Color!

Fun hair accessories

Strength

Creating with my hands

Self-awareness

Sleep and intentional rest

Manifestation backed by neuroscience

Slowing down

Loving my body

Warm sun on my face

Trees

Less

Mindless purchasing

Energy drainers

Snoring

Neutrals

Focusing on other people’s behavior

Just going with the flow - I mean this to be less ‘not making better decisions that align with me’, probably more like ‘less people pleasing and more having an opinion’

Endless scrolling

Imposter syndrome - the feeling and the word - less of it!

Bad posture

I feel like I have a lot to say to wrap up what I am thinking, so I’ll go for it and hope it’s not jumbled.

In 2024, I am leaning into loving all parts of me more and the things that make me different and I hope you do that too. There may be things you want to change, and that’s okay - but how do we think about that in a positive way, rather than focusing on the negatives the way our society has groomed us to think? Yea, there are a lot of funny things that come out of commenting about the negative, but they can root further down and drain us.

I think there’s a Selena Gomez song that says “When it comes to me, I wouldn’t wanna be anybody else.” We’re our own unique self for a good reason, and bringing that into the workplace, or thriving in that in our everyday lives should be celebrated! Living as who we really are allows us to find and thrive in jobs, relationships, etc. that truly serve us and satisfy our own personal wants and needs.

I’d love to know if any of my ‘more’ or ‘less’ resonate with you, and if you have any others you’d add or remove for yourself.

yay, for failure?

I think about failure fairly often, not in a “Oh wow, I’m a failure” sense, but more so what it means to me to fail. It sounds sad, but it truly is a check-in on where I feel I am on my path to achieving my goals. As a society and in my experiences working for companies, failure is often looked at as scary and shameful. Failures are not communicated to others, which is a failure in itself. It seems to me that many people don’t chase an idea because there is that chance they will fail, or they’ll be wrong. Can we change this narrative? Can we make it feel like less of a big deal after someone makes a choice that leads to ‘failure’?

Along with many others (see the explosion of the ‘walking pad’), I am trying to get in a walk each day even if it’s only for 10 minutes. I’ve been mildly succeeding - I want to walk outside, not at my desk, and it can be tough to make that time! On the days I have been able to get outside for a walk, I’ve been listening to the podcast Design Better. I’ve been hungry for more design thinking and design talk and this podcast has been able to fulfill some of that hunger. One of the episodes was a chat with David Kelley, the founder of IDEO. If you’re into design, you may have heard this quote from him before, but if you’re not, I’ll enlighten you - “Fail faster to succeed sooner.”

Now, I’ll be honest - I don’t retain a lot of the information from podcasts - mostly because I am a visual learner. That may explain my career choice, eh? Also, I live in a neighborhood where most people have beautiful plants that I pass and become distracted with - often.

Anyways, “Fail faster to succeed sooner.”. You can really look at this from so many perspectives, but I am going to start with where I’ve seen failure as a whole in my life. I asked my mom the other day (hi mom!) what her memory was of my first experience with failure. She reminded me of a time in first grade where I got in trouble for talking in class. In my defense, it was the first class I got to have with my best friend (who I’ve known since I was two years old). The next day, unrelated to my disruptive behavior, I was moved to another classroom. I promised never to talk again if I could just go back to the class with my best friend. She said I kept saying, “I’ll be good! Please don’t make me.” Now, I don’t have this as a core memory, thank goodness, but school was always a serious place for me. I paid attention in class, I did all my work, I did not talk while the teacher was talking - all things ‘good.’ Easy to see a possible connection from what I perceived as a failure to my behaviors that have continued since.

I remember failure in many different ways - failed relationship attempts with boys who didn’t like me back, failed attempts at tumbling passes in cheerleading, failure to diagnose mysterious health questions etc. The one that has stuck out the most to me, looking at my early years, was the only B grade I received in school. Damn you, AP United States History class. That failure had the biggest impact on me, and my self worth for a while. To this day, I am still annoyed by it.

But, hey - I got into a great college in California. I kept moving forward, and in many ways I succeeded. 

Since then, I almost failed a course during study abroad (yikes), I started a blog and stopped posting, I started a small business that didn’t go where I intended it to, I had other failed attempts at relationships and I have been unhappy with my progress at different stages in my career - wondering why I couldn’t do something or make what I wanted, happen.

Where has failure led me? In hindsight, I’d say some pretty awesome places with wonderful people. Without thinking twice a few years ago, I started a jogging community, Ventura Joggers Club. Will it succeed? In many ways it has, but I can’t predict the future. I’ve learned to leap often, knowing I’ll find my way like I have many times before. Failure has allowed me to be more comfortable with mistakes, knowing that sometimes those mistakes lead to something better, or something more suited to me or the business/organization.

Now, I’d like to think I am providing a bit more than a ramble, but that’s why I am calling this corner of the internet on my website, ‘musings.’ I hope you’re still with me, and have had some cool thoughts about your own failures running through your head. We’ll see if I can wrap this up with the many thoughts running through my own head.

Returning to my initial point where I was inspired by David Kelley’s quote - where can we bring this human energy of failure into society, into our places of work? Where can we encourage ourselves to create more ideas that don’t work to find the ones that will? Where can we fail, more specifically as designers, that will create even better ideas - or atleast give us the ideas to go after, fail fast so we can succeed sooner?

What’s a failure of yours that has shown you something better? Can we all give others more grace to fail (within boundaries that don’t hurt others) in hopes that we can find more successful ideas to make our world a better place?

the beginning

A musing is defined as ‘a period of reflection or thought.’ Here you’ll find unfinished thoughts, stories, a look at what happens when I am working on a project, and maybe a few random things that will make you smile, think, or laugh - my musings. More to come soon…